Pint Problems

August 15, 2018

This piece is part of an ongoing exploration of the unique problems that can arise during one’s ice cream-eating journey with Ben & Jerry’s. Or what’s otherwise known as "Pint Problems." We’ve previously documented issues such as frozen fingers, empty freezers, wonky spoons, airborne chunks, and excessive barking. Or wait, that last one was from a completely unrelated piece about puppies. Look, most of the time ice cream eating is a relatively seamless and trouble-free experience, except when it’s not:

Item number 1
Rock Bottom

When we get a tad overzealous about snack time and the pent-up energy and anticipation over imminent chunk consumption is mismanaged, resulting in an overly aggressive spoon traveling straight through the bottom of the pint at lightning speed.
Item number 2
Solid Effort

When your ice cream habit comes at the expense of your entire spoon drawer.
Item number 3
Spoon Fight

When dueling is very much alive as a 21st century solution to territorial ice cream disputes.
Item number 4
Hidden Treasure

When the need for a good disguise isn’t limited to unreasonably famous Hollywood people.
Item number 5
Smooth Operator

When the pint has been treasonously de-chunked. Have they no shame?
Item number 6
Running On Empty

When your overwhelming propensity for generosity means over serving everyone but yourself, and then secretly wishing you weren’t so damn nice all the time.