6 Reasons Trump Pulling Out of the Paris Climate Agreement Is Totally, Definitely the Right Move

1st June, 2017

We Know a Good Idea When We See One

Sometimes an idea comes along that is 100% awesome. An idea so good that there's only one thing you can do: Take an admiring step back and say, "Wow, that's a really good idea." When we first learned about cookie butter, for instance, we knew that turning it into a series of ice cream flavours was, without a doubt, a can't-go-wrong idea. (And take it from anybody who's tried Speculoos? Specu-love!, it definitely was.)

And that's exactly how we felt when we saw that President Trump decided to pull the US out of Paris Climate Agreement. Tremendous! What a big-league move! Definitely a good idea. Definitely.

Think we've gone off our rockers? Worried we've been hitting the Half Baked a little too hard? Here's exactly why it's totally, definitely a good idea for the US - the world's second largest emitter of greenhouse gasses - not to be a part of the most comprehensive global agreement to reduce emissions and stem climate change of our age:

1. Clean Energy, Schmean Schmenergy!

Who needs clean energy?! Our pals in the US tell us they're no germaphobes when it comes to their power (their ice cream spoons are a different story, though). And clean energy jobs? Nah, not for them. They hear China is ramping up their renewable energy production and it sure looks like a lot of work. Beijing alone plans to invest $360 billion in renewables by 2020, creating more than 13 million jobs. But jobs are work! Work is hard! It's so much easier to luxuriate in the status quo, driving fossil-fuel-powered cars and enjoying coal-created electricity.

2. The US are Sick of Chocolate and Vanilla Anyway

Our pals in the US have had enough Chocolate Fudge Brownie and Cookie Dough. Our Vermont factory has been cranking out chocolate and vanilla ice cream flavours since the very beginning (in fact, Vanilla was our very first flavour), and frankly, they're tired of it. So when climate change makes it all impossible for farmers to grow cocoa beans and vanilla, they'll be fine. They'll move on to other ingredients, like melted glaciers, penguin meat, covfefe, and human despair. Sounds delicious!

3. Being a Global Pariah Is Really Cool

Pulling out of the Paris Climate Agreement is not going to make the US popular with the rest of the world. Nope - 194 countries worked really hard to figure out how to reduce their emissions to a manageable level, so when the states keep on puffing greenhouse gasses into the atmosphere, the rest of the world might get a little testy with them. But that's okay, the cool countries are loners anyway. And the US probably don't need other countries' support in order to achieve their international goals... right?

4. Rising Sea Means Americans Could Have Their Very Own Ocean View

Who doesn't love oceanfront homes? With runaway climate change melting glaciers and causing sea levels to rise at unprecedented rates, a whole lot more Americans could be seeing waves from their bedroom windows. Sure, some folks might lose their homes and businesses, and coastal cities could see devastating changes, but a whole lot of people will also be able to learn how to surf right in their gardens. Sounds like a fair tradeoff to us.

5. Crises Keep Life Exciting

What’s life without a little drama? Boring, that’s what. The US pulling out of the Paris Climate Agreement is going to bring the world one step closer to an unprecedented global environmental crisis, and we can’t wait! We love drama in our ice cream flavours, and even more so in our world news headlines. We can see it now: “13.1 Million US Homes Flooded — Boat Sales Surge,” “World Refuses to Cooperate with US Foreign Policy, US Sulks Like Angsty Teenager,” and “Hundreds of Plants and Animals Now Extinct, US Says ‘We Never Liked Polar Bears Anyway.’”

6. The Global Economy Is Going Green, With or Without the US 

The truth of the matter is, the world is going green with or without the US. Even without our support of the Paris Climate Agreement, 193 countries will continue to reduce their emissions and continue to invest heavily in renewable energy sources. It may be too late for the US to be global leaders in green energy, but we can only hope it’s not too late for the rest of the world to save them. And the polar bears.

Think we're serious about these six reasons? Nah, we're just pulling your leg. But we sure are serious about taking action on climate change. Even if our government won't, we can still support a clean, green energy future. Make your voice heard for a clean, green energy future today!